Saturday, October 24, 2015

Jai Siya Ram

Happy Happy Diwali my virtual friends๐ŸŽ†๐ŸŽ‡๐Ÿ’ฅ✨!! The Festival of Lights is back again bringing with it victory of good over evil, light over darkness and of course noise over silence, smoke over fresh air and cholesterol over health. That's because we all know that apart from being the Festival of Lights and all that blah, Diwali is practically incomplete without a tonne of sweets, incessant visits to the houses of friends and relatives to give Diwali wishes , trying to play holi with the colours meant for Rangoli ( design made on the floor to welcome the Gods) and a good 'ole game of cards. 

Of course bursting crackers is like a HUGE part of Diwali, but when you're a green advocate like me you don't do that and end up stuck with all the aunties and the uncles and whining babbies who are scared of all the BOOM BOOM because it hurts their ears but don't realise that in that process they hurt MY ears too, 'cause the whining and booming are like double the torture. So this time I decided to make my Diwali more fun by....... doing absolutely NOTHING new and this time it was even more boring than ever before since I couldn't even complain, or it would have led to the invetiable lecture about how I should be happy about spending time with the family and should be properly grateful to God at least on one day for everything annnnnnd you get the drift right???? Buuut this year it would have been even worse since I am going on a trip and should pray and be happy about the Golden Opportunity. 
So complaining was off limits but on the inside I couldn't help but secretly wish for the Pooja ( prayer ) to be over so that we could get to the part where the food comes in. Another issue that came up yet again this year was my choice of clothes, since my family wanted me to dressed up APPROPRIATELY in Indian wear while I wanted my comfort first by wanting to wear a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt (which believe me is a huge effort from my side since when holidays are going on I am usually in my pjs) and it led to a full blown argument between my mom and I, and she won by cheating and added a bonus lecture about Sanskar like salt to my wounds. But even then Diwali is an awesome festival and I love it. 

But before I go my friend suggested another way of asking people to celebrate a green Diwali, he says,'Date a pataka, instead of burning one.' ( ps pataka means a bomb ). 
So comment and tell me if I managed to change your mind ๐Ÿ˜€

Wednesday, October 14, 2015


The one thing that scares me even more than exams is the Open House or the Parent Teacher Conference or as I like to call it Doomsday. And hence here are a few reason why I don't like these conferences. 

I for one talk a lot and I really try to tone it down but my mouth has it's own mouth so I don't have control over what comes out of it and when it comes out. So that's like a recipe for trouble. And when the teachers meet my mother complains about this issue are like a routine. 

I have an extremely short temper and when someone steps out of the line with me I can't take it and the tend to see a side of mine which I don't like showing and it results in a scream and sometimes punch fest. And if a caught red handed I am bound for trouble. 

My mom has a habit of giving teachers full permission to spank me if I step out of line and teachers tend to take full advantage of the right. 

My mom is more social than any social media platform and that results in an exchange of contact numbers between my teachers ( emphasis on the 's') which like signing my death sentence. 

So you definitely can't blame for having a fear factor and if any of you out there relate to any of the above reasons then you'll totally agree with me. 

Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Night Blogger

Babababananana (x2)
I have noooo clue. 
As to what I should do. 
Thanks to a friend the only thing on my mind is a loooooooo. 
So darn it friend I haaaate you. 

This was my extremely sad and pathetic attempt at being poetic and I have realised now the writing poems is not my forte. 

Truth to be told I haven't had an artistic epiphany and also didn't have an urge to really waste my time. NDTDA and FGDS may also have a role in this. And the sweet realisation of the fact that I don't have to be crushed by crushing on my crush because I'm back to normal, baby. 

But wait Diwali is here and for all you firangis (it means foreigners btw) out their who have no clue about it, it's the festival of increase in the, electricity bills , cholesterol, excuses to party , create noise, land and air pollution and comment on the late night cards scene to which you weren't invited by Sharma ji. 
Buuuuuut it is also the festival of now dying tradition of sharing, caring and spending time with family. 
But for teens like me, it also means that mummy darling is away to some relative or the others house to give Mithai and that means FREEEEEDOM. 
So yeaaaaaah I'm pretty excited. 
And since I'm writing this at 2 am , forgive me for I am not in the right state of mind. 

Friday, October 9, 2015

Of Aliens and Aunties

Weird hair style , Check ✔️
Weird faces ( make up and plastic surgery, which makes it look like a melted  doll's face ), Check ✔️ 
Weird voices ( squeaky, manly, whiny, annoying annnnd you get the drift right). Check ✔️
Weird torso ( people should really have some basic dressing sense), Check ✔️
Weird legs (like what are you doing to yourself). Check ✔️

Soooooo, Either you got what the entry's about or you didn't. Soooo regardless of the fact, there's a hell lot more common in aliens and aunties than we thought and it's actually very creepy when you think about it............
Waaaaaiiiiit, What if the aliens were aunties or vice versa or even both ways !!! The world will or is definitely doomed. 
Think about Mars being ruled by aunties, who parade every single day in salwar suits , sports shoes and brinjal plaits YUCK!!! Like ulti wala puke. They would have lipstick on there teeth, their weapon of choice would de a rolling pin and metal ended parandi ( desi hair extensions, brotha ) and how can we forget the famous jutti.  And instead of a court being held, kitty parties would be there and the only way to dethrone the queen would be to spread rumours about her and then move everybody's else in their own support. And of course don't forget Selfie Day. 

And here are some badass aunties giving you some idea ( the rest is up to your imagination, I really don't want to scar you). 

Sunday, October 4, 2015

8 Signs To Identify A Bhenji

{ Disclaimer: These are PURELY and PURELY MY VIEWS. So please no HATING.

Bhenji: origin , hindi. 
Meaning: A person who either stopped giving a damn a long while ago or gives way too many damns. Also unlike most myths a guy can and should be called a Bhenji if the definition is deemed applicable for the said case. 

Annnnnnd Now Presenting The EIGHT Signs To Identify A BHENJI. 

They are a gossip queen/king  and know everything happening around the CITY and not just the colony. 

They love to give their opinion about anything and everything, and it doesn't matter whether you ask for it or not. 

They are the biggest cheap arse you'll ever meet and no kidding, they will always be ready to haggle to pay Rs. 5 instead of  Rs. 10 for a freakin ice cream. 

They just luuuuuurve hogging the spot light and will go to almost any extent to grab attention as long as their dignity remains intact. 

They love spending money when it is not their own. So beware next time the neighbourhood BHENJI asks you to drive her to the grocery store. 

They love squishing kids and teens alike in their death grip also known as a hug. And the sloppy and disgusting kiss on the cheek which leaves a horrid mark is also not behind. 

Bragging is also a trademark of a typical BHENJI because it just happens that due to their nosy parker traits and attention deficiency disorder they love to show off. Infact they are even ready to show off the paper napkin pack which they bought for Rs. 75 instead of the usual Rs. 100 and that too the branded kind. 

They either care too much about there appearance to the extent of putting on lipstick before going to the washroom in their own house. Or they just don't give a damn to the extent that they have no qualms in stepping out of the house in a t-shirt with holes and a track pant with the string pulled out so much so that it reaches their knee at TWO in the afternoon. 

Saturday, October 3, 2015

I really don't know what I am writing. My exams just ended and I really don't even have the energy to rant about their evilness. (Sighs). So that's why I'm gonna just go with the flow ............ .............. ............................................................................................................................

You guys thought I was serious right. Puhleeze !!! 

This is more of a shout out to Rikshawalli!! 
Yess you read that right. She's an insanely awesome you tuber with the most amazing videos along with Superwoman ( if you don't know her , you my compadre are living under a rock). 

So guys do check out their channels and then realize how right I was and then thank me for introducing you guys to these girls who make you pee your pants with laughter and then join the fandoms and go crazy all over again.